My best friend thinks he’s a Vampire,
Reads books about bats, he’s got a
Coffin on hire. Think I’d better
Call the Voodoo Umpire, coz
My best friend thinks he’s a Vampire
It was at midnight in a bleak
December, there came a gentle
Rapping at my chamber door
And I had nodded, from what I
Remember, I awoke with certain
Fears I hadn’t felt before
It was my best friend, I almost
Fell to the floor, He was decked in
Purple robes and other vestments
And when I asked him, ‘What are
You doing this for?’, He replied that,
‘Rigor Mortis is a sound investment’
Well, I was walking, just to see the
Sunset, when I saw a dark shadow
Jump in front of me. Who could it
Be now? It was my friend you bet,
But when he opened his mouth,
He had a set of false-teeth.
I said, ‘My friend, why you’re covered
In blood!’ But he was laughing as
He bit into his feral repast. He had a
Crowbar, and as he turned he said,
‘I need a new car, coz
The dead travel fast.’
Better hang some garlic
From your barbed wire